The life of a Youth Team Football Manager

You spend the last hour of work planning the evening's training session.

You lose sleep worrying whether the line-up for the next game is fair to every player and what the parents might think.

When your wife goes to the supermarket she can't put the shopping in the boot of the car because its full of footballs, training cones, kit bags etc.

You plan your summer holidays around soccer tournaments.

You wear track-suit bottoms all the time.

Your phone never stops ringing and its always regarding football.

When you meet someone, you always have in the back of your mind whether or not they can offer any sponsorship to your team.

You're always looking at weekend weather forecasts.

In the middle of January you can't wait for the season to end.

You get withdrawal symptoms when the season's over.

When you meet your son's new friend, the first thing you ask is their date of birth.

You spend the summer re-discovering your garden.

When you buy a new car you think in terms of how many players can fit in and how much equipment the boot will hold.

When you go shopping you always come back with something that will be 'useful' for the team.

Over half of your annual car mileage is football related.

When you get home after a match, your wife, kids and dog avoid you until they find out the score….. then avoid you for the rest of the day.

And finally..... the phrase 'talking to a brick wall' is often used.

Apologies to Wycombe Wanderers

A source inside Camelot, the lottery people, has revealed that a man from High Wycombe was a recent winner in the nation's favourite weekly gamble. The lucky chap was delighted to announce that he had spent his winnings on a new player for his beloved Wycombe Wanderers. "If my three numbers come up and win me a tenner again," he added, "I'll gladly buy them another!"

A Rough Player

A full back with a reputation for being a really hard man on the pitch was sent off during a match and returned to the changing room with a terrible leg. It was covered in cuts and bruises and had a massive gash from the top of the thigh to the knee.
He had no idea whose it was.

Non-Football Jokes

A man who threw a bottle of Domestos at a policeman appeared in court charged with 'a bleach of the police'.

A friend of mine rang me to say that he was in hospital with food poisoning. He had made himself a cheese and onion sandwich but instead of an onion he had accidentally used a daffodil bulb. He said that he was feeling a little better and expected to be out in the spring.

Missing Person

Missing - Winner of the Hithercroft Hide-and-Seek Contest 1996. If you know of his whereabouts please notify the committee who are still waiting to give him his prize.